I cry everyday over this question. Up to this very day I have masturbated on my bed and a lot of pre cum has gone on it aswell and the wetness on my clothes and boxers have touched the bed and bedsheets aswell. When i do this my hands have come into contact with the wetness and I have touched phones, my feet, poles, my clothes and other clothes…I have done this on my brothers beds etc aswell…and they sleep on their beds the impurity goes on their beds aswell.
I cry to myself as I pray 5 times a day. But my brothers go round the house after sleeping on their impure beds with their clothes wet, they go into the toilet with chapals wet etc…I feel there clothes are impure aswell as they sleep on the impure beds. I feel everything they touch and everywhere they sit is impure. I have had sperm on my feet and clothes and sat on the carpet around the house, my parents and sibling so wudhu and walk around the house with bare wet feet and so do I. I just feel all the carpet all around the house is impure
I pray but I just feel everything is impure and it’s all my fault as I don’t know where all the impurity is and how far it has gone. I want to give all this up and I wish everything could become pure. I cry everyday and it’s just killing me. I feel all my prayers won’t be valid if I pray as everything is impure anyway. I have 2 hour showers as come out and feel that I’m basically impure when i touch something or sit somewhere
Also another question is when I’m in the shower when I come out the shower I have an urge to urinate, as it is all wet down there as I just came out of shower, I think I have urinated and so therefore by the time I dry my whole body i feel I’m impure as feel I urinated when i came out. I’m not sure I’m urinated but the thought just don’t leave me alone
Please I’m in the verge of being suicidal and I cry everyday as I cannot handle this and I just want to be a good muslim and gain jannatul firdaus. This has affected my attitude towards family, work and my religion and my mental health