QuestionsCategory: Marriage & Divorcewhat-sharya-says-about-child-custody-if-i-divorce-my-husband-and-marry-another-man
Ayesha Khurram asked 1 year ago

Asalamalikum I got married in 2008 and I have three childern a duaghter of age 8 , a 6 years old son and a 3 year old duaghter.I want to tell you details so you can help me and give me expert opinion in my situation . I lived in a joint family system before marriage where my grand father and my uncles did sexual abuse with me for years . Allah saved me from many calamities but they did the worse they can do .I have been very quite and shy and hardly had any friends . I was never able to discuss what I was feeling even not with my mother . I tried to tell her about the sexual abuse and she stopped one of my uncles but others still did it for years . So in short it was very difficult situation . When I was in class 9th I started liking a boy in my school but we never spoke to eachother directly except a very formal chatting on internet. At the time of my marriage no one asked me about my opinion or any preferences so I was married without my will At that time I stopped talking to that person and promised to live sincerely with my husband.My husband is my first cousin .As my husband was living in Manchester UK so I came with him after two weeks of my marriage In the beginning my husband was interested in physical relationship but it was quite difficult for me so I used to avoid it . We had our first child in 2011 . Later on I tried to make things better in our physical relationship but he was refusing . Sometimes he watched porn and refused to have sex with me ,before and after marriage he had different affairs and relationships with other women but he says that he never did intercourse with any women but everything else he did.I always knew that but I was living like a friend with him with no expectations.I always had an issues with my husband not helping with anything regarding house hold chores and not spending enough time with family specialy with children,he ,mostly busy with his own thing and his own interest. Regarding our husband and wife relationship , we only had frequent relationship for first one year after that it was very often that it happened. For past many years we are sleeping in different rooms and for last one and a half year we never had any physical relationship. In 2017 I text a person that i like before marriage on Facebook with no false intension but our conversation started again he told me that he is also single yet , and never forgot me as well. That moment changed my life I was unable to control my self for talking to him . He came to know after 6 months as my mobile was lost and he was setting up a new mobile for me.When he noticed those messages he straight away realised that it was his mistakes and trying to spend time with children but he wanted me to leave that person and he wanted to forgive me. I also stopped but the situation was out of my control , I couldn\’t resist not talking to him .my husband suggested that he will have a second marriage and I can live here as the childern s carer until I want to . He found a girl to marry and he is still talking to her on phone and interested in marrying her.My husband spoke to me about the divorce but he don\’t want me to marry that person.He said if i stay here ,he will forget everything whatever happened in past but if i marry with that man he wants full custody of the childern . And he says this is according to the shariya .I dont want to stay here at all and i want divorce but i m not sure i\’ll marry in future or not but I don\’t want to lose my childern .According to laws in UK I can get the custody of childern and above 8 years kids can decide where to live but I want to know about shariya law. My husband has no issues to give me custody of childern until I am single but after marrying him my husband wants full custody of the childern I realise my mistakes and I tried my best to do everything for my childern and husband , still I am cooking ,cleaning , looking after childern and every thing at home. Regarding custody I have no issue if my husband want to spent time with childern or if he want them to stay night with him but the only issue is I don\’t want to get bound that I cannot keep my childern if I get married to that person . My husband said in that case if I marry that person he will only allow me to meet my childern in front of him and he won\’t let them stay with me because of him . He says he dont believe him and he is not satisfied to let his childern stay with me in his presence . What shariya says in this regard please guide me. what are my rights for childern custody in case of second marriage. I want to know about shariya law when I get married after divorce regarding my children\’s custody , I do everything for them breakfast , dropping and picking from school , Making lunch , serving them and getting them to study for good grades and playing and finally putting them to sleep at night. They are used to this rotinue I always want to do these things for my childern . I don\’t want them to be neglected and left out , can you please guide me that if I will marry another man how much time they will spend with me and what would be the details if my husband gets the custody. My husband says if I get married he will only allow me to meet childern in front of him and he will not let my childern stay with me in his absence. He actually says he is not comfortable with that man being in the same place where his childern are . I am afraid that if I lose the custody of my childern he might not let me meet my childern or restrict me . I want him to do his work as before and spend as much time with childern as he wants to but I want him to let me do the same as well . I atleast want 50/50 for the child custody but incase if shriya is not allow me ,can i ask my mother to stay with me incase of second marriage. i came across one of islamic forum where i find preference list for childern custody is such that the childern can go to there maternal grandmother,……. My mother had been coming to Manchester UK and spending 3 to 4 months at the time of my children\’s birth . So I might call her on multiple visa and the case of children custody may gets stronger by presence of my mother with me. As my husband always believed her and she have been doing all there chores before as well so I think the security issue automatically vanishes. Please guide me for this situation where my mother will come as well . I am worried about the custody of the childern please guide me to the best of your knowledge. Jazkallah Khair