I have been thinking about this topic for almost 2 years now but have never previously asked for guidance.
My cousin who is a year younger than me is a very beautiful girl. As a result, she has always been able to get everything she wants without working for it. In fact, she has taken a lot of opportunities from me because once the people who were offering me said opportunities saw her, they would immediately disregard me completely.
This has happened more times than I can count and had started when I was around 11 years old, 9 years ago. At the time, I was optimistic that things would change for the better but now, I am somewhat resigned.
I had always tried to be a good Muslim and my foundation in Islam is pretty strong whereas she is becoming an atheist. I love her still and would never want ill of her but I have started wondering why Allah swt does not answer my prayers but gives her everything that I dream of. My faith in Islam has weakened considerably as a result and I think about this every day as a consequence.
My prayers to Allah that have gone unanswered for almost 2 years are that He Make me more beautiful so I can attract the opportunities that have been taken away from me and that I have good friends. I always thank Allah at the slightest signs that these prayers might be answered but they have never been fulfilled. My frustration is such that had I not been a Muslim I would have committed suicide as I see no reason for living. I really feel that Allah swt is Torturing me beyond my limits.
In comparison, she is living her life in a non Islamic way and is enjoying all the things that I have asked of Allah. I have tried to ignore it since I have never wanted to be envious of anyone so close to me but it has reached a ridiculous point where every time I dream of getting something and start working for it, a week later she will get it through no work of her own. I’m beginning to question my faith as well as Islam. Why would Allah Put me through this? He is Forcing me to leave my faith as I see Him Answering an atheist’s prayers over my own. If I cannot get help from my own Creator then how am I to survive and why am I to believe that he is indeed my Creator?