QuestionsCategory: Marriage & DivorceFamily not letting me marry man once they found out his age-they liked his character and deen but is 15 years older
Zara patel asked 5 years ago

As Salaamu alaikum Mufti,
I pray you are well. I wanted to ask a question about my situation. I have a proposal for marriage from a man I like and respect. My family met him and liked him and his deen and character. However, after they found out his age at the 2nd meeting they refused without asking me and saying they decided its best. He is 14 years older than me but in good health and looks masha’allah that it is not apparent and we probably look about 8 years difference. I am 24 and he 38. Also he is pakistani and I am indian which my family were initially ok with but then changed when they found out his mother cannot speak english and mines urdu is broken. Hos family were concerned about the age gap to start with but have said if we are both happy and I am mature and understand what marriage entails they are happy.
I want to meet the family again because I like them and can see myself amongst that family despite the differences even tho my family feel I will not be happy and that I will struggle as I will have to do everything because of the age gap and have a hard life. Can my family refuse due to age and ethnicity when they were happy with his character, personality and deen.
Are they right in saying i will have a hard life because he is older and so i will have to tale care of any kids we have and him in his old age as they are saying he will look like my father and a kids grandad soon and have health issues. I think he is perfect for me on terms of personality and character and we can holdgood conversation and he is very respectful and likes me and wants to be a son to my family and always be there for me insha’allah. He is sincere and likes me and I like him and simce I have been performing istikhara again i feel more inclined towards him and see more goodness in him and his family but my family are not listeningto me at all and not letting ua go and see his family again which is what I want as it can take a few meetings to realise what people are like and if you will geton with them.
I would appreciate your guidance on this matter.
Jazakallah khair,