Assalamualikum sheikh. Please help me sheikh with your advise. Im in lot of depression and stress.
I met a girl in my workplace. She was a nonmuslim then. We had a relationship for around 3 years before we broke up. After q. 1.5 year of our relation she reverted to islam without informing her parents. Then we decided to talk to our parents. I took her to my home. She met my parents. My. Parents were not convinced but i convinced them somehow by giving the excuse of islam. We decided to get married once she convinces her parents. But she couldnt because of diff nationality and diff religion. But she promised me that even if they werent convinced she would convince her or get married to me without their permissio. Because of islam. But she kept delaying giving excuses of me not well settled and she not able to convince her parents etc etc. She is 27 and im 24. We regularly had fights but never let go of each other. She used to sorry me. Or i used to sorry her. We did all kinds of haram together during this relationship. We had a big fight on last november 2018 and then i dint speak to her for around 1 weak out of anger even though she called me once or twice. Then later i called her and came to know she is going on vaccation to her homecountry for 2 week. In this period of 2 week i dint speak to her in a regular manner because i was annoyed. I only. Used to reply her text in watsapp because i wanted her to realise her mistake. Because she dint give me time at the later part of the relation thats the reason i was angry with her and dint speak to her. Anyways she comes back from her vaccation and she is a completely changed woman. She doesnt wanna talk to me properly or she lost all that care. She was completely different. I met her after 2 days she came back from vaccation. I asked her lets forget everything and b normal. I begged her. I said sorry. I kept all of my izza but all she said was there was someone else in her life already. He was arpund 33 to 35 of age. I asked since when she said since this vaccation which was a period of just 15 days. Which is. Not true. I cant believe that in a span of15 days some1 can be in another relation. Anyways ignoring the fact that she broke my heart that i still begged her that i can forgive you for wat u did but please leave that guy right now and come back to me. She said she cant leave him as it will b an injustice with him. Because he took care of her when i wasnt there in these 15 to 20 days. And then i weeped and left. And then she kept calling me asking about me about my health but she never sounded that she wanted to be with me or leave the other guy. We ended everything on december 2018. I drank almost everyday drom dec to january in depression missing her. But alhamdulillah from February 2019 Allah has given me hidayah. I kept watching islamic videos and motivational videos of mufti menk and other speakers and understood that i loved some one instead of loving Allah and i did lot of sins which Allah is washing away by giving me pain. Allah gives pain whom Allah loves so that the particular person starts remmebering Him. And now alhamdulillah by Allahs grace i pray 5 times a day. Remember Allah and keep my self away from any kind of sins. Now the problem is from february onwards she keeps calling me again asking how iam and how my mom and family is Once in a week and tells me to meet her hangout with her sometimes that she misses me alot. And i also kept answering her calls but i make sure that i dont meet her anymore in person because she is a non mahram for me and its haram but the i recieve her calls thinking that she might be in
trouble as well. Its been few months now she is calling me and trying to meet me as well. But i have understood that there is no khair in it. I have blocked her number. Now the problem is i keep getting flashback of her and her memories and miss her alot and shaytans waswasa. I also feel that she might. BE in trouble and dats the reason i do wanna answer her but i control my nafs and try ignore. Everyday i think about her but pray to Allah to make forget about her. Its been almost 6 months i last spoke to her. She keeps calling me but as i mentioned earlier calls are blocked. I dont want to marry her anymore and i have forgiven her but i dont want to marry anyone else as well as long as im not involving my self in any haram act. The reason being i might be able to forgive her but no forget what she did. This is what i feel. I know this question is kind of lengthy and irrelevant but trust me your answer means alot.
Help me shaykh.