QuestionsCategory: Marriage & DivorceHow to distinguish between Naseeha/Advice or force marriage ? Is this Nikkah valid ?
Rayan asked 3 months ago

I was allowed to meet my cousin before nikkah under parent’s supervision as we only spoke a couple of times during our 3 years of engagement. She portrayed being very religious throughout. She lived in Europe while parents lived in Middle east. She had happily bought her wedding dress and expressed joy when she knew we were going to Bali, Indonesia for honeymoon after marriage.
(Story from Me & Her Side) We had Nikkah in Masjid Al Haram next to Ka’aba by official representative with 2 witnesses (+ wali = father, mother, siblings & other fams ) and after that we had spent 3 mornings together. She returned to Europe the next day and after 1.5 month of speaking to me online, she told me that the Nikkah was forced by her parents and she was trying to see if it can work between us. I was shocked & found that she applied for forced marriage protection at the same time too, in fear that her parents from Middle east will make her come back. She told me that she started liking someone else before our Nikkah in Europe whom her parents didn’t accept of and was reminded of the 3 yr engagement for which she forced her parents to accept my proposal. She told me about the hadith where if she was forced for marriage, she can claim it invalid after. She also said that since the marriage isn’t consummated then there’s no sin. It’s been 5 weeks now since this event and both our parents aren’t talking as they’re unable to absorb this event.
(Story from her parents side)I asked her parents about forced nikkah & truth of guy’s involvement and they claim that she did inform them about the non-mahram guy she liked but it was only a week before Nikkah, they told her that what she had been doing was a sin because she would hangout with the non-mahram late at nights while her parents trusted her (she revealed this how he also gave her drugs-weed too) & parents reminded her that she was already committed to me and it is wrong to break commitment without a valid reason. They said she cried and performed Tauba Nasooh, after which she promised them that she will not get involved with that guy and also she agreed to marry me.  After this incident, I met her privately under parents supervision and confirmed twice if she wants this nikkah because she mentioned once earlier once how she isn’t sure about me.
 (Next bit, I didn’t know earlier) Her parents had then discussed how sending her back to Europe can be risky as she may fall into trap of getting involved with that guy/drugs, so the girl asked her mom to come along with her as it will help her as it was important for her to finish her course. However, she refused to come as she had to prepare for Walima but told her that she can share her live location every time she goes out from home on WhatsApp to be aware that mom/fam are watching her as this will refrain her to meet anyone.
Final claim. My cousin claims that her parents had put her under pressure or emotional abuse which is only reason she agreed to this marriage just so that her parents would let her go to Europe otherwise they showed reluctance. She is currently still meeting & talking to the guy (in Ramadan) and wishes to marry him. She claims that since she has announced it to the parents that this marriage is invalid, thus the Nikkah is the invalid. Her family is depressed and asks me to have patience as they believe an evil has afflicted her. I can recall her saying once that she thought she lost out of options but then all these ideas kept coming to her. ( I’m not making it up, I’ve audio recording available, this was said in final call, i wanted to record because something didn’t made sense )
I maybe in denial or confused by her parents response claiming that she is possessed by evil. I’ve recorded her last phone call and identified some verbal claims made earlier highlighted below: (Please note: she was genuinely religious person, still has good knowledge but the personality she is portraying us now appears to be very different, she confessed that she has changed in year 2019 and become more liberal & finds herself more comfortable in that, left the Islamic sisters group who she said found fake enough)

  • She told me that she likes bad boys, asked me if I can be one (strange, I’m also a practicing Muslim)
  • She said she finds it funny when people die
  • Said that she wants an implant because she doesn’t want us to consummate the marriage
  • Asked if we can both hangout with her drug friend together after Nikkah
  • Complained about waswas & depression, taking 100mg creatine (anti-depressant)
  • Would make up fake hadith i.e. you cannot touch me without my permission, threatened me that she will contact authorities if I touched her. ( even though im far away from her )
  • Threatened me that our relationship will be spoiled if I do not let her live in Europe, asks me to move with her in Europe.
  • She would say I want to be with you forever but also respond by statements that would make me not talk to her.
  • Missing salah regularly (unusual) , she listened to music (ever since)
  • Talked about doing a suicide as parents do not want her to live in Europe

Please advise

  1. If this is forced marriage? Her parents claim that we did Naseeha and not forced, we kept asking her multiple times if she is fine with it.
  2. What should I do, give her sometime & parents, does it sound like possession?