QuestionsCategory: Marriage & DivorceMarriage and Family issue
Saba asked 2 months ago

I hope that I will be guided rightfully and under the islamic ruling. I have two problems that are interconnected, please be patient and I hope Allah help me to be fair. 
Problem 1:
I was young when I was wed off, my in-laws never accepted me and continued to cut ties with me after 11 years of being in their family. My marriage is not consummated even after 11 years, my husband hasn’t seek help the way he should and continue to make excuses. Many things have come into light about my husband and they are not very pleasing to me. He makes false promises and believe that he has done nothing wrong to me. His prime focus is money and stability for himself in my opinion. He doesn’t care about what he is doing. Whenever I try to talk to him about it, one way or another he blames me. His focus is having a safety net for his old age. He doesn’t work with me on this marriage, and I have given up trying to make him focus on it. He just want me to cook, clean, and do household chores as my sole duty as a wife. He refuses my right and he has been doing it for 11 years that he is now comfortable with it. He and his family has mentally abused me and none of them acknowledge or rectify their wrongs but blames me and firmly believe that they have done nothing wrong including my husband. Me and my husband have been sleeping separately and living different lives. He gives me money monthly and says that providing is his only duty as a husband. I have found many disturbing things like ‘he has been masturbating right after our marriage’, ‘he prefer to go to a prostitute’ and so on. 
Problem 2: 
I have been vocal about my on-going marriage issue with my family and my mother had stated that ‘he does so many things for you, focus on that’. She thinks my husband is a nice man, and what he is doing to me is different — these are her words. So many times I have went to my mother crying and telling her that ‘I will die’ it was the time when he was mentally torturing me. To which my mother said ‘I am exaggerating’. She never supported me leaving him. She knows about things he said like the prostitute one and she said ‘at least he said it, men do it without telling their wives’. She justified this as well and I know she won’t support me. 
My mother is a nice women but she was sexist in some way. She didn’t push us to education. None of us (sisters) have education more than high school. My mother believes that ‘girls are responsibilities’ to my father we were ‘burden’. The only focus was to wed us off, even during that time, she stated that ‘my MIL is a very sharp women and she will eat me alive’ yet she wed me off to a home where my MIL tortured, slander, and done so much mental damage. My sister has said the similar when I went to her for help. My sister has said that ‘my end is on depression pills’ and later said ‘that after so and so years you can’t come back’. Last year, she cut ties with me and I don’t know why. I tried to tell her that her behaviour is hurtful to which she said ‘I am negative’ and cut all ties with me. I had no support where to go except for shelter homes where I don’t know what will happen to me. 
With all this, I want to bring to attention that I feel helpless and hopeless at times. I feel depressed and a burden to myself and others. My husband’s lack of interest, and his attitude is so hurtful that I can’t take it anymore at times. He didn’t even supported me when his family accused me of so much and says that they are my family and I know what they did to you, I cannot leave them for you — even though I never asked him to. As his wife, he doesn’t care and it shows. I feel trapped and when I think of leaving, I just don’t know where to go. I don’t want to go to my mother because there is no free will. It is another prison for me as she is controlling in many ways. I don’t want to give an idea that my mother is a bad person, but as a daughter – I am a responsibility to her and I will always be. I am in so much pain that I can’t describe you that sometimes my heart hurts. I have nobody to talk to and nobody to rely on in this world. There are billion of people on this earth yet I have no friends, support not even from my family, and it sometimes feel like this is what it will be until I die. I don’t see anything positive happening to me. When I try to find a job, I get rejections and its very depressing. 
Please guide me. I don’t feel the same way for my family but I know I have a duty toward my parent. I’m married on papers and there is no relationship I have with the man I am with. Is this the meaning of marriage? Does Allah chose a man who abuses me as my soulmate? I know I have the right to divorce, I just don’t know where to go anymore. I don’t believe in family, I have no believe in marriage. Everything is wrong and nobody wants to see it and rectify it. No matter how many times I say it, nobody wants to hear and label me that I’m this or that. Please guide me.