Assalamu Alaikum brother, I have an issue regarding apostasy and coming back to islam after 3 days. My husband and I got in to a big fight because I caught him with pornography and masturbating. We had a very big fight and started to verbally assault each other and each others family. I have seen him on the act pornography and masturbating many time in past as well and I sincerely thought he had gave up on it and seeing him again just made me absolutely crazy.
So while having this fight he got angry at me so much that he starts to spit on the ayatul Kursi on the wall and verbally abused Allah and the prophet a lot. He did this because he knows how religious I am and wanted to upset me. Because of this I have not have had sexual relationship with him ever since even though he repented and start praying after 2 or 3 days.
But I am still not happy with him and can’t bear him touching me because I try to live my life according to my deen and love and respect and fear Allah more then anything else.
We have 4 children and we live in UK where we don’t have a single family member here. So I had to stay home even after his apostasy.
Now he has started to hug me by force and kisses me and tries to touch me and I feel extremely bad because I don’t know if our marriage has been nullified because of his act.
I have kept myself away from him even before our fight just because he blames Allah for lots of things such us if the weather is windy, children crying, asking him to do something, if things don’t go according to how he wants it or likes it, for basically everything and mutters and complaine to Allah a lot which I absolutely hate and because of this I don’t show him love.
Otherwise he is a very honest man he earns halal money and the community loves him a lot.
He gives his zaka and charity he prays except for Fajr out of laziness. He fasts during month of Ramadan.
But he is a very aggressive man who gets angry over ridiculous issues and mutters and complains to Allah straight away.
I have read severel diffrent articles and read hundreds of diffrent kind of questions but didn’t get the answer that would satisfy me. Some says according to Hanafi or Maliki or so and so.
But I strictly follow Islam on it’s own not any branches. So Please Please give me an advice what is the situation with our marriage?
For the record he has had acted this way before in the past years and had an answer from people that it doesn’t affect the marriage but I need to be sure now since my iman is much more higher then in the past years.
He is working and I am not so I don’t have any financial support from anywhere else except from him. I have tried getting job allowances but since have not worked in the UK my application has been rejected each time. Because I dont have any friends or any family member in UK it has been hard for me to divorce him because I would if I had a chance but how can I when I have 4 young children to provide for?
I have tried to call the Imam in our city for several days and left him massages but he doesn’t replay. I have tried to call dozens of Mosques to talk to someone but because of the pandemic everything is closed still.
I have spend hours and hours to find something online but still with not much advice. May Allah guide us all and reward you for helping us to clean our sins.