Fatima Mustapha asked 4 years ago

Salam Wa 3alaykom.   I just have a question, and this subject has been bothering me for a while. I am not personally going through this situation so that\\\’s not the reason it bothers me, it just bothers me because I don’t understand it.   First, I understand that in Islam a man is allowed up to four wives. That being said, there are rules that go along with that. You must treat them all the same, split your time evenly, etc.   And I know that a man does not have to take consent from his first wife to marry a second wife.   But what I don’t understand is that a man doesn’t even have to NOTIFY his first wife that he is marrying a second one.   Like he could be married to another women that lives in a different country and his first wife has no idea. She thinks he is going for work or some other reason.   To me, this is lying and cheating. And what I don’t understand is, how in Islam is lying and cheating permissible? How is it fair to the first wife? She has every right to know that HER HUSBAND is married and sleeping with another woman. He may even have kids with her. The first wives kids may have half siblings that they don’t even know about.   Can you please clarify why it is permissible to not even NOTIFY your wife in Islam?   This subject bothers me because for all I know my husband can be married to someone else and I have no idea, but it is totally halal in Islam so technically he is doing nothing wrong, when to me it feels like he is. Shouldn’t honestly be the most important aspect in a relationship, especially is Islam? Because this is not honesty. That is hiding information from your spouse which should be haram.   Every time this subject gets brought up my mood changes and I become angry. It really bothers me. It doesn’t make sense at all.   This subject contradicts a lot of information said in Islam about how to treat your wife. Lying is haram, hiding information from each other is haram, yet in this situation it is perfectly permissible and even encouraged sometimes.   Sorry for the rant but I need a good explanation.   Thank you.