Actually I m a revert. My parents are still kafir, may Allah guide thm ameen. I got married to a muslim friend of mine and now I live in muslim state. Its been 3 yrs to my marriage and by grace of Allah I have a 2 month old baby boy also. Alhumdullillah.
It’s just that my marriage is not perfect. We both were really happy with each other until all my husbands concern went towards his family. I am really happy he considers everybody’s feelings and is caring towards thm. But many a times i feel left out. And just to keep him happy I try and behave nicely with everyone. Even if they say me harsh words or criticize me or anything, I still always listen to them and nod with them but always end up crying alone. I don’t share anything with my husband as this can hurt him more and may generate hatred for his own family members.
I really become sad and I end up crying and screaming alone. Getting disturbed all the time. Stressing too much about them that they don’t like me. I frankly had tried a lot, a lot a lot to be a good wife and a good daughter in law but I always end up loosing in keeping thm happy. Now I dont want to try but I have to survive with them for my baby. I don’t want my baby to be present in a broken family. I can’t do that with me being so stressed and irritated, with so much hatred in my heart for everybody around me.
Is thr anyway I can be sane with my thoughts alone. Allah knows what’s in my heart. He knows my intentions. Allah knows how much I control my anger with these ppl.
Worst thing about me is I am good to thm on thr faces but in heart I dont like thm. I just want to get rid of all this hatred in my heart and dont want to hold any grudges against anybody. Please advice me brother what should I do?