QuestionsCategory: Marriage & DivorceUnjust Proposal Rejection
Suleyiman Ramos asked 2 years ago

Assalam Aleykum wa Rahmatullah wa Barakatuhu.
I hope this message finds you well and I thank you in advance for reading and replying to the best of your abilities, Insha’Allah.
Alhamdulillah, I am a practising brother, 23 years old, I always pray 5 times a day, I read Qu’ran, I will soon enter a course to learn Arabic and the Qu’ran just waiting on more students to fill in the class, I pay zakat, sadaqa, I have a side business, I help with my parents real estate business and several finances, I go to the Masjid, I speak 4 languages and understand other 2, I have a beard, I don’t listen to music, I don’t drink, I don’t smoke, I saved myself for marriage, I plan to go for Hajj and Umrah, I don’t sit with people who drink alcohol, I don’t shake woman’s hands, I don’t have female friends, I don’t have friends that are bad influences, I follow the Sunnah, I have a good car, I have income, I have a house, I am not ignorant, I always seek knowledge in Islam, I always resort to Islam for my questions.
I have a very important question to ask so I’ll make it brief, Insha’Allah.
I have recently proposed to a good, god fearing, practising, family caring, intelligent sister which her family is Arab yet have left Islam.
Her wali is her uncle who lives in Lebanon whilst she lives with her family.
We both like each other, are pleased with each other for the first time after having rejected other proposals and have been seeing each other for a few months now.
I have formally proposed to her Wali which is her uncle via writing, I wrote a several thousand word autobiography, story, education, family backround, life, intentions and official proposal in Lebanon and he has rejected me because of the reason I help my parents with their health at home and real estate business, assuming that I will mistreat the sister somehow.
That is literally the reason I was rejected.
Wallahi, I am deeply hurt and speechless, how could someone so easily throw this around without any consideration besides their own, I’ve kept myself away from zina and haram relationships, I approached this issue in halal manners, I was patient.
My family, me, her and even her uncle’s wife have expressed how this decision is nonsense and has no rationality whatsoever. No one understands this.
Helping one’s parents in their health should be a positive point not a negative point, please correct me if I am wrong.
I was informed by the sister after this that her jealous cousin which she rejected previously made her uncle’s head in against people who propose to her and his wife also questioned her uncle’s decision being confused with it’s lack of reasoning.
In short, his decision was biased and will continue to be biased.
I was rejected because her uncle had a biased decision due to her cousin poisoning his head and is simply jealous, whilst I strive to be a better Muslim and a righteous, fair person according to Islam and am judged by others who do not understand it as I was born and live in the western part of the world.
She has said she will not marry anyone if not me, this will destroy our lives, I am deeply saddened and so is her. This is unfair and is incorrect. We like each other and are very pleased with each other. She wants to be a good wife and a good mother and make that her life mission and I want to be a good husband and a good father and make that my life mission. We have finally met each other after looking for a long time and we don’t want anyone else besides each other, I swear by Allah this cuts us both deeply in our hearts that such an unfair decision has fallen onto us because of someone’s jealousy and someone’s incapabillity to look with clean eyes.
I want to ask now, does she seek another Wali, one that is not biased and looks at my offer with a clear and clean head, since she does not have anyone else to be her Wali in her family besides her uncle?
Because her uncle is not making reasonable decisions, rejecting a fair person without any reason, being influenced by bad influences, does she ask another Muslim elder to be a Wali in her community? She is able to do this with one of her local Imams or Sheikh’s.
May Allah reward you for your patience, I eagerly await your response and I ask that you please respond in your earliest convenience, Insha’Allah.