I am writing to you because I am seeking urgent religious advice for the current situation I am in. I would really appreciate if you could spare some of your time to help guide me and my partner onto the right path. I am a 16 year old girl and as shameful as it is to admit, I have committed zina.
A couple months ago my mother found out about the sins I had committed and it has been a really tough time for us to get through. She knew i was in a relationship but i had lied to her by saying it was something very innocent, however, despite the sin, the love me and my partner share is very strong and pure. We have been together for 7 months and we believe that right from the beginning our love was a gift from Allah as we were both in very dark places and suddenly we were given something so beautiful. Sadly, we completely abused the gift we received and failed our test. Our relationship is full of respect and support, we treat it very maturely and I would view and treat him as my husband just as he would view and treat me as a wife. I know it is hard to believe me when I say this and perhaps it sounds delusional but its 100% true. We were so caught up in loving each other that stopped practice our religion as much and fell into the traps of the shaytan. I have disappointed not only myself but God and my mother. I really want to make things right. During this time me and my partner have tried to repent for what we did and we really feel in our guts that God is giving us another opportunity to make things right and we really do count our blessings. We have agreed to not commit zina again and this was not a hard decision because both of us understand that its regard is incomparable to the Lord and our love.
I was really looking into a Nikah but I was not too sure about it, I was unsure if religiously this was the right thing to do moving forward. I do not want to get a Nikah to cover up for my sins but because I really want to declare my love and make my relationship halal. I also feel deep inside that God is asking this from us too. My mother agrees that this is the right step forward but she wants us to delay it a little bit and I understand her reasons but I would rather it sooner than later. Even though I am 16, I would consider myself very mature and understanding for my age, I understand the morals and principles of marriage and I feel like I am ready for this and I have no doubt that my partner is the best fit for a husband and a father. I have dreams and he supports them so having this Nikah would not affect my education or aspirations but would bring me closer to God which is what we both want.
Especially during this pandemic, I have really understood the concept of how death is so sudden and unexpected and I would hate to go without making one of the most important things to me halal in Gods eyes. I really want to approach my mum about the matter but I don’t want to hurt her and remind her of what was done but I feel like this is extremely important. I would like to know if getting a Nikah would be the right step forward, how I could get a Nikah done (if needed to do so) and some advice on approaching my mum. I do not want a fancy celebration, in fact, for now I would just want this Nikah to be between me my partner and our parents because I know that a lot of people would disapprove but this is what is right in the eyes of Allah.
My father is no longer in my life, however, I do have a stepdad who really plays up to the role of father and he would completely disapprove. If a Nikah was the next step forward, I would like to keep it away from him until the time is right and I do understand that this is a bad thing but his disapproval would stop the whole process and i’d be left overthinking everything once again. I am open to answer any questions and accept all advice. I am also very grateful that you have taken the time to read my message. Talking about this with my head held low was very hard but I need to fix this situation as soon as I can.
Kind regards, Just to let you know Imam, this email was written from my girlfriends perspective.
We greatly appreciate your help and guidance, thank you.